I Yell. Then I Hate Myself. Why Do I Keep Doing This?

It starts out like any regular day.

You’re managing a million tabs in your brain: work calls, homework reminders, what to cook, and whether there are clean uniforms for tomorrow.

And then…

Your child screams.
Refuses to eat.
Throws a shoe across the room.

Something snaps.
You yell.
Loudly.
Instant regret.

Sound familiar?

You’re not weak. You’re overstimulated.

And no — you’re not a bad parent.

Why You Yell (Even When You Swore You Wouldn’t)

Yelling doesn’t come from nowhere.
It’s usually the result of:

• Chronic stress or burnout

• Sensory overload (yes, noise + chaos = legit overwhelm)

• Feeling unheard or disrespected (especially when you’re doing so much already)

• Past patterns — how we were parented often shows up in how we parent

Here’s the truth: Yelling is a signal. Not a character flaw.
It’s your brain’s way of saying, “I’m at capacity.”

What to Do Instead

1. Pause. Walk away (if safe).
   Even 10 seconds of breathing space can help your brain reset. Say, “I need a moment to calm down.” That’s modelling regulation — not abandonment.

2. Whisper instead of yell.
   It feels weird, but it works. Kids are wired to notice novelty — a sudden whisper cuts through the chaos and grabs attention without escalating.

3. Repair.
   After you’ve calmed down, say:
   “I was angry. But yelling wasn’t okay. I’m sorry.”
   This isn’t weakness — it’s powerful. It teaches accountability and shows your child that adults also mess up and make it right.

4. Reflect.
   Later — maybe during a walk or a shower — ask yourself:
   What pushed me over the edge?
   Was I hungry? Tired? Overwhelmed by work? Feeling unseen?
   Understanding your triggers gives you a game plan for next time.

It’s Not About Perfection — It’s About Awareness

Let’s be real: You’re going to yell again.

But every time you pause, whisper, or repair, you’re building a new pattern — for you and your child.

Parenting without yelling isn’t about never losing your cool.
It’s about recognising when you do… and choosing to reconnect.

A No-Shame Prompt for You:

Have you ever yelled at your child, then regretted it instantly?

What triggered it? What helped you bounce back?

Let’s normalise the conversation. Share your story — someone out there needs to feel less alone.